Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
