I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my being single is dangerous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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