You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
