worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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