capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
