if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
