great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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