Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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