bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
