i jhust puked up my retainher.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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