vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
