I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I believe in your delicious
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
