I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
