just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
