you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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