they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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