just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
