I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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