he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
