I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
