Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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