Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
