Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
