walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They are going to name an STD after you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
