Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Farmville is her only friend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
