I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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