go do what you do best...puke behind churches
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
