I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
