Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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