good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
