Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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