a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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