he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
