Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
