1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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