I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
