so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
