bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
