She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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