I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
