I can't watch pbs sober anymore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
