if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
