I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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