oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
