So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
