Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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