you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
