at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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