No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
