Cold hands, warm shart.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
