Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
